Vote AristocratBottom of Page

The Secretary of Education
Volunteered to be Drug Czar;
Since he hoped to lead the nation
First he'd lead the peace-time war.

When someone pointed out he smoked
Two packs of cigarettes a day,
He had to stop : It's not like coke,
But think of what the press might say.

Of course, he still enjoyed a drink,
(And nicotine, in chewing gum)
It's not the problem you might think –
It's legal, so no harm is done.

How could anybody quarrel
With his stern philosophy?
Marijuana is immoral
Since it is a felony.

And why is it a felony?
It's a sin – by definition,
A crime's a sin. Epiphany!
Ending sin became his mission.

The perfect circularity
Of his logic is amazing;
Did it provoke hilarity?
Instead, the press began to praise him.

Revelling in new-found fame,
He started widening his scope;
Responsibility's the name
Of what they need to get off dope.

Character's what really counts,
Family values have been lost;
Read the Sermon on the Mount
And do what's right at any cost.

Well, almost any – he quit his job
In two years, pleading poverty
And then, at several grand a pop,
He preached his own morality.

He flogged his solemn Book of Virtue,
Trying out for President
With the slogan, I won't hurt you
If you're good; if not, repent.

In the world he advocates,
Such a Lord would rule the earth;
Alas, in our degenerate days,
We leave decisions to the serfs.

And no one wanted him as King;
They'd rather vote for legal drugs.
Humiliating? Not for him,
William Bennett's much too smug.